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The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts Dr Gary Chapman

In his book 'The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts', Dr Gary Chapman describes five unique styles of communicating love. He argues that the language of love can be classed into the following five categories.


Words of Affirmation - i.e. “I love you” or other positive compliments


Acts of Service- i.e. simply doing nice things for other people aimed to help make the other person happy


Receiving Gifts - Some people value giving and receiving gifts


Quality Time - Other people measure the quality of their love by how much time their significant other wants to spend with them. If they don’t get enough “together time,” then they might feel unloved.


Physical Touch- The final language is where individuals associate love with physical touch.


Everyone gives and receives love differently. People put different store on these different manifestations of love. If people don’t hear the words or receive the actions or gifts they need then they might feel unloved despite the reality being very different.


There have been criticisms of the limitations of this approach though


"A relationship is a place for transformation and growth. When we limit each other with a specific love language, we do not allow room for change."  Sunny Motamedi


Understanding the different Love languages described are a useful tool to improve how we communicate and express ourselves to each other, but they shouldn't be the be-all-and-end-all solution for happiness in a relationship, rather they should be a starting point for better communication and understanding on a journey of growth and connection together.



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